I failed science freshman year. Physical science. Not because it was hard, but because I was behind on the work and had anxiety issues. The damn teacher had those cards with the students names and would call on them randomly. So I ended up skipping nearly every day. This created the entire rest of my high school experience. My counselor and everyone else involved assumed I was just bad at science. I retook physical science sophomore year. A different teacher this time, Dani Tubman, helped me succeed. It turned out the class was too easy for me, but nobody cared except for Dani. She desperately tried to get me into a higher level class, but because of my history with that F, it wasn’t going to happen. It’s my senior year of high school and I’ve never been in a science class higher than biology. None of it has ever challenged me. Now I sit in Biology Foundations, wondering what the hell went wrong. I could probably be in physics right now. Don’t get me wrong, I love the class, but it’s only because I love anything science related. I blow through each assignment like it’s nothing. Perfect score on every big test. 

 

     I’ve always been a fan of sci-fi. You know, Alien, Blade Runner, stuff like that. I spend a lot of time in the school library, shuffling through the science fiction section. I love reading Ray Bradbury’s short stories. A Sound of Thunder is my personal favorite. Stuff that has to do with space is what really catches my attention though. The endlessness of it all, the possibility. Anything could be up there for all we know. Even the stuff we are aware of is crazy. The planets, the stars, zero gravity, and immediate death without the perfect protection. I dream of being up there. But how am I supposed to get there? Become an astronaut? I’m in Biology Foundations senior year. I’d be lucky to even get into college. My entire life is cut off because my bullshit teacher didn’t help me pass the class. I was set up for failure at 14 years old, how was I supposed to know better?

     It’s late at night when I walk outside. My house is far away from civilization, no bright city lights to blind me and block the view to my future. It’s cold, but I don’t mind. After walking a few steps into the yard, I look up. Immediately I see thousands of stars- but after I look for even a couple seconds longer, I see even thousands more. Some are brighter than others. Some form into constellations. I block out the rest of my surroundings and it feels like I’m there. I know that one day I will be there. The stars are everything I could be. My past, present and future. The moon is my home and the planets are my friends. The longer I stare the more I know I have to escape earth. Nothing is more clear to me than this moment, as I stand in my backyard on a cold October night. I think about that Kanye song. Put your hands to the constellations. I reach my arm up. The way you look should be a sin, you’re my sensation. I begin to think about you. I’ve never been good with my emotions. Maybe that’s why I deserve to be alone in space.